In Depth:  parenting

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Handling screen time
helping children find faith

Handling screen time

Ed Drew
Ed Drew

I led a table at a seminar for parents on tackling screen time, organised by my local secondary school.

For the first discussion, each of the ten parents at my table told a story to illustrate why we were there. We heard about ruined holidays, sexting, repeated arguments ripping apart families, and young people who wander around their home fixed to their hand-held games console. There was a shared sense of despair. Perhaps my group wasn’t representative, but there were eight other tables. I do not see much difference in stories from church families. It is always one of the top questions we are asked in parenting seminars. I suspect in church we might just be less honest about the size of the problem.

A dagger to the heart:   ‘I have no friends’
helping children find faith

A dagger to the heart: ‘I have no friends’

Ed Drew
Ed Drew

For one of my children, there was a three-year period straddling primary and secondary school when bedtime often meant tears.

There were long conversations in which they begged not to go to school. While much of the time was spent clarifying the law on attendance, the problem was not legal, but all about friendship. The words that kept on putting a dagger through my heart were: ‘I have no friends.’ I learnt that naming children in the class like a desperate form of bingo did not help. Nor did organising playdates. Nor did conversations with the teacher, or other parents, or even those other children themselves.

‘Unspeakable heartbreak’: parenting a prodigal child in a ministry home

‘Unspeakable heartbreak’: parenting a prodigal child in a ministry home

Anon

Sadly, some of our children don’t come to Jesus in repentance and faith but turn away in hostile rebellion.

A cocktail of external social influences can mix with internal trauma, hormones, and indwelling sin to stir up hostility to parents in general and Christianity in particular. Whilst we still love them dearly, such children bring us unspeakable heartbreak. And, in a ministry home, we and our children have the added pressure of having our congregation watching us. We feel the heaviness of our responsibilities to both our children and our church. O Lord, help us!

The preacher’s perils
imperfect parenting

The preacher’s perils

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

Dear Preacher, We are so thankful for the preaching gift God has blessed you with – a gift that has blessed us and our children, and our church family, for longer than you’ll ever know.

But please, stop apologising for the length of your preaching or the number of points your sermon has! I worry about the message it sends to our children.

Education: parental rights focus

Education: parental rights focus

Tim Wills

Christian Values in Education has held its annual National Conference in Chessington, London, guided by its new chairman, Dan Sayers (pictured).

Almost 300 people gathered – half of whom were children – for two keynote addresses amidst a number of children’s activities and in the presence of the many Conference exhibitors.

Family devotions

Family devotions

Catherine MacKenzie
Catherine MacKenzie

Book Review ‘We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.’ – Aristotle

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Parents, you matter!
helping children find faith

Parents, you matter!

Ed Drew
Ed Drew

Multiple surveys consistently find that about three-quarters of the UK church came to faith before they left secondary school.

This is consistent with the Bible story (Prov. 22:6, Ps.78:1-6). Given the disproportionate influence of those first two decades of life, it is vital that we understand the key effective steps in ensuring we hand our faith onto the next generation.

‘If only I’d done parenting  differently…’ Really?
imperfect parenting

‘If only I’d done parenting differently…’ Really?

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

The Imperfect Parent’s household is going through a season of endings and of new beginnings, involving a fair amount of reminiscing, of celebration and of anticipation. And while there’s much thankfulness to God for too many mercies to count, there’s also regret at where we’ve failed.

Rare is the seasoned parent who does not look back over months and years without regret – usually with a touch of self-flagellation. As I ponder the last couple of decades, there are too many ‘if onlys’ to count. If only I’d not cared so much about what others thought of my parenting skills and more of what the Lord wanted of me.

Family worship

Family worship

Catherine MacKenzie
Catherine MacKenzie

Book Review .

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Parenting for the day  when you’re not there
helping children find faith

Parenting for the day when you’re not there

Ed Drew
Ed Drew

Jake is Sarah’s eldest child. I saw Sarah on the first Sunday after she dropped Jake off at university for his first term.

She said to me: ‘It’s pathetic. I want to get into the car and drive four hours to take him to church! When I left him, I had plastered his desk with Post-it notes telling him the address of his local good church. It’s so close to him. He needs to walk out of his door, turn right, go 300 yards and walk through that door. It couldn’t be easier. But it’s up to him now.’

Must have? Really?
imperfect parenting

Must have? Really?

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

This is what my email inbox looked like one morning in mid-May: ‘must-have’ spring jackets; ‘must-have’ ingredients for youthful looks; and a little further down my emails – ‘must-have’ summer styles. I don’t think I’ve had a ‘must-have’ funeral plan – yet.

Being somewhat of a rebel, this well-worn but psychologically clever cliché tends to have the opposite effect on me. ‘No thanks’, I’ll say inwardly, ‘not if you tell me I need it.’

Raising toddlers
helping children find faith

Raising toddlers

Ed Drew
Ed Drew

In the middle of the bright lights and confused tourists in Piccadilly Circus is the statue of Eros. Except it isn’t.

Everyone thinks it’s Eros, but that’s because they’ve got the wrong brother. They look very similar. Even their mum probably got them mixed up. The statue is Anteros, the brother of Eros, the Greek god of love and sex. Anteros is the Greek god of selfless love. This matters. The statue of Anteros was paid for by the people of London to remember the life of the 7th Earl of Shaftesbury, who died in 1885. Please don’t give up on me. I know I have moved from obscure Greek mythology to obscure dead aristocracy, but I am going somewhere wonderful.

Confessions of a news junkie
imperfect parenting

Confessions of a news junkie

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

I have to confess to being a bit of a news junkie. It’s much to do with the work that I trained to do, my love of writing and, I suppose, a lifelong thirst for information.

I guess my first introduction to news was the 6pm news on BBC Radio 4 when I was a child. I’m not that old, but television never featured in my household – much to the amazement of my schoolfriends who talked about the latest episode of Neighbours every lunch hour.

The dark web and my  daughter’s secret
imperfect parenting

The dark web and my daughter’s secret

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

A girl in her late teens sits down next to her mother. I sense all is not well. ‘Mum, I need to tell you something.’

My heart lurches with a familiar parental dread. I’ve been here before with her. More than once. What can it be now? Can it be worse than what’s come before?

Letter

Parenting & motherhood then and now

Date posted: 1 Sep 2021

Dear Editor,

Michael Haykin in ‘The reduction of fatherhood’ describes five aspects of 18th-century fatherhood and implies by the end of the article that the diminution of fatherhood in our day should be rectified by learning (uncritically?) from the 18th-century approach.

Parents, children and  genealogies
imperfect parenting

Parents, children and genealogies

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

What do the genealogies in Scripture teach us about parenting? Come to think of it, what do they teach us about anything?!

The latter is a question I’ve pondered often, tempted – to my shame – to discard them as of little importance in the grand scheme of Scripture (despite my head knowledge that all Scripture is given by inspiration and is profitable).

The reduction of fatherhood
history

The reduction of fatherhood

Michael Haykin
Michael Haykin

Over the past two centuries, there has been a steady recession of the social role of fatherhood. Fathers have either gradually moved or been moved from the heart to the margins of family life.

Overall, the cultural story of fatherhood in the West has been essentially downhill since the Industrial Revolution of the late 18th and 19th centuries. But at the outset of the 18th century, fathers were regarded as primary and irreplaceable caregivers in the family.

Plucking up the courage to  talk about sex
helping children find faith

Plucking up the courage to talk about sex

Ed Drew
Ed Drew

What is a wet dream? I was asked this by my 11-year-old son this week.

He was looking at the syllabus that had been sent home by his year six teacher. I was into my second sentence when he interrupted me: ‘Can I have the short version?’ I was encouraged by that. He has noticed that whenever we talk about issues around biology and sex, I give full answers and ask him questions. This is partly to compensate for the huge awkwardness I inevitably feel. I think I may have over-compensated!

Who will your child of  today become?
imperfect parenting

Who will your child of today become?

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

Today’s child is tomorrow’s Hitler. Today’s son is tomorrow’s Dennis Nilsen. Boris Johnson. Ravi Zacharias. Today’s daughter is tomorrow’s Gladys Aylward, or Florence Nightingale, or praying Hannah. Or the Myra Hindley of tomorrow.

Or think about this: Saddam Hussein was yesterday’s child; Stalin, yesterday’s baby; and Harold Shipman, yesterday’s child – an aspiring doctor, then a serial murderer.

How do I improve my  child’s behaviour?
helping children find faith

How do I improve my child’s behaviour?

Ed Drew
Ed Drew

It’s the common question. It’s a good question. As a parent, I want to know the answer. On occasion, I think I have asked my own children.

There are two ways to answer this question.

Your child, your teacher?
imperfect parenting

Your child, your teacher?

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

Our children can teach us important lessons and remind us of crucial truths. Though our parenting mindset is necessarily focused on being the teacher (even more so during a national lockdown), we need to be open to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, we can learn from our own children.

By their very nature, our children will be unaware when they are imparting some lesson to us, and as Christian parents, we need to be humble enough to learn from them.

Five lessons on family Bible  times (learnt the hard way!)
helping children find faith

Five lessons on family Bible times (learnt the hard way!)

Ed Drew
Ed Drew

I write books of family Bible times and I want to inspire parents to raise their children knowing Christ, but my own family Bible times are rarely inspirational.

I have a photo (not shown here) of me leading our family Bible time. I am sat in the middle of the sofa with my Bible open. Two of my children are curled over the arms of the sofa, their backs to me. Only my youngest seems engaged, and that is because my arm is clamped round his waist so he can’t escape. I use this photo because it captures our normal. Here is what I have learnt, with my own family, through all the mistakes, frustration and confusion.

Honest questions from a  hard-pressed teenager
imperfect parenting

Honest questions from a hard-pressed teenager

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

‘Why does God keep testing me, mum?’, my teenage daughter asked (digitally of course, though to be fair, she was at work at the time).

‘Because you’re precious to Him,’ I typed. ‘He tests us to refine us – and He has chosen, in His plan, to test you in these years. He has a plan for you. Pray for wisdom, guidance and peace.’ My answer wasn’t particularly theologically deep; had I not been juggling cooking a family meal and looking after younger children at the time, I might have given a more considered one. But I hope she will remember those meagre words when she’s overwhelmed once again – and, truth be told, I also need to learn the truth of what I replied. Because through the unique challenges we’re all living through, there is perhaps one thing above all else that tests me as a parent during the pandemic, causing much self-examination and self-recrimination.

A book on parenting that won’t make you feel inadequate

A book on parenting that won’t make you feel inadequate

Carol Strong

Book Review BUMPS, BABIES AND THE GOSPEL: Preparing your heart for parenting.

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Do you FULLY know the  dangers of digital?
imperfect parenting

Do you FULLY know the dangers of digital?

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

The purpose of writing anonymously is to enable me to be freer in how I write and what I write about. To be more honest about my parental failings and limitations and more open about the difficult topics facing parents.

Such as the dangers of children accessing pornography. We had a challenging Sunday recently (the evil one does tend to favour the Lord’s Day to test Christians, don’t you think?). It was a relatively short-lived incident but raised many issues for us as parents.

Yet will I trust Him, though 
 He slay me?
imperfect parenting

Yet will I trust Him, though He slay me?

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

Let me ask you something: what is your ‘normal’?

Normality has, for all intents and purposes, lost its meaning for the majority over the past year in the maelstrom of Covid-19, and what was normal remains (at the time of writing) a long way off.

Where did we go wrong  with parenting our kids?
imperfect parenting

Where did we go wrong with parenting our kids?

'Imperfect Mum'
'Imperfect Mum'

When I was in my mid-teens, my father – holding a folded, hand-written note – said to me (though more by way of self-inquiry): ‘Where did we go wrong?’

I recall him being tearful; standing in our conservatory bathed in the morning sun; his back to me and gazing into the garden as I stood pondering his question.

For parents under pressure

For parents under pressure

Andrew Cook

Book Review UNBROKEN FAITH: Spiritual recovery for the special needs parent

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Real parent power - shaping the lives of our children

Wallace Benn

'Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and when you are getting up again. Tie them to your hands as a reminder, and wear them on your forehead. Write them on the door-posts of your house and on your gates.'

Deuteronomy 6.3, 4-9 New Living Translation

We want to talk about an area that is of supreme importance for the health of families and the future well-being of our nation.