A dagger to the heart: ‘I have no friends’

For one of my children, there was a three-year period straddling primary and secondary school when bedtime often meant tears.

There were long conversations in which they begged not to go to school. While much of the time was spent clarifying the law on attendance, the problem was not legal, but all about friendship. The words that kept on putting a dagger through my heart were: ‘I have no friends.’ I learnt that naming children in the class like a desperate form of bingo did not help. Nor did organising playdates. Nor did conversations with the teacher, or other parents, or even those other children themselves.

A common cry

I know that there are bigger crises in the world, but this one seems to be one of the most common in families. It comes in many forms. Not enough friends. Not the right kind of friends. Not good enough friends. Mean friends. Bad influence friends. No Christian friends. Mean Christian friends.