What’s your church like? I mean, really like?

I don’t mean, where it is or what kind of building and programmes you have. Or even why you exist (something perhaps you capture in a mission statement). All these reflect the individual context of each gathered congregation.

What’s your church like? I mean who makes up the congregation. Each of us might answer that question differently, and there will be large variations, but for the most part our churches are – to a greater or lesser extent – intergenerational.

Every person who joins a Sunday service has their own story, of course. Some might have grown up in a Christian home; others might have been recently converted. Some may have a spectacular story; others will have hardly known a day when they didn’t know, love and follow Christ Jesus.

But, according to a book I’ve been reading with others, the generation you grew up in makes more difference to your story than almost any other factor you could imagine. Generations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents and What They Mean for America’s Future is a secular assessment of generations by US sociologist Jean Twenge, and it’s a fascinating read. I was first put onto Twenge’s writing by an Oxford pastor who had found it profoundly helpful as his church wrestled with the exact nature of their student work.

Guess what? He discovered that work amongst students today is nothing like when he was a student (and me too; I’m not far behind him in age). Typically, those of us from an older generation tut and grumble when we realise this is the case. ‘Not like it was in my day,’ we moan.

We both found Twenge helpful in that she assesses the differences without being judgmental. It took someone who was not a Christian to help us see how to do that. We can of course spend a long time lamenting what is not, but the one-anothering of the New Testament requires a different approach.

We have to love and serve those in front of us. And that means understanding them. It is striking that the Good Shepherd knows His sheep and His sheep know Him (John 10:14). This intimate knowledge is at the heart of His ministry to us; and a similar insight into one another’s lives can shape and sharpen the way we can love one another.

Back to your church. You will almost certainly (as I do) assess and shape your service towards others through the filter of your own experience. At its extreme such help may be well-intentioned, but we are unlikely to listen well, and we will end up being unhelpful, rather than giving the care and compassion others deserve and need from us.

Take a very simple example. I could moan and complain about the Christian maturity of an 18-year-old heading off to university. Not like it was 40 years ago! You can perhaps hear the grumpy old man breaking out! However, if Twenge is right (and I think she has some valid insights here), today’s 18-year old is more like a 15- or 16-year-old of my generation.

It’s a generalisation of course, but rather than lamenting what is not (which leads to a very critical spirit), instead I ought to be saying: ‘Lord, let me know this person. Let me understand their struggles and joys. Let me grasp how they think. And Lord, let me help them grow from there.’

As pastor Graham Shanks has written recently, thinking intergenerationally and in a positive way is wonderfully liberating and adorns the gospel of grace. Serving one another is not a competitive sport. Instead, we are to ‘serve one another humbly in love’ (Gal. 5:13).

An intergenerational church where every person is valued and has something to offer is truly beautiful to behold. It’s a strength, not a weakness. Yet to fully realise the wealth of wisdom that God has placed in the church, we have to first acknowledge that we are not all the same. And that is OK.