Archers’ abuse plot

I’m not a fan of The Archers.

But Britain’s longest running radio soap opera, formerly ‘an everyday story of country folk’, made headlines in April when its plot of domestic abuse came to a dramatic climax as Helen Titchener, at the end of her tether, stabbed her emotionally manipulative husband Rob. Even I sat down and listened! It brought to public attention the sorts of shocking family situations which domestic abuse charities, social workers and sometimes pastors, have to address.

The dominator

This kind of abuse is generally different from domestic violence. Usually perpetrated by men on women (but vice versa does occur) it is about undermining the other person and their self-confidence. This takes place through continually questioning their competency, or making them feel guilty, or inadequate. I came upon one situation in which when a beautiful woman appeared on TV the husband would comment ‘there’s a real woman, not like you!’ It might take the more subtle form of feigning care but saying: ‘I’d better do that, dear – you’re not very good at things, are you?’

Pat Craven, a former prison officer, has been writing and running workshops on this subject since the 1990s. She distinguishes different types of ‘dominators’. There is the bully, smiling with his mouth but glaring with his eyes. The ‘jailer’ may appear romantic, but will want to isolate his partner from friends and with a pretence of protection ring fence their life, monopolise their time under the guise of wishing to be ‘together always’. The ‘persuader’ makes you feel sorry for him but loves to coerce you into doing things you really don’t want to do, but you do it just to please him. There are other types too, but its all about control, manipulation and denigration. Craven’s book Living with the Dominator, which I read a few years ago, is helpful, but with a secular, apparently anti-man, ‘women are better off without men’ agenda: it is about getting women out of marriages, not healing them.